Birth Thoughts - God is Good!

Birth thoughts. Evidence that Heavenly Father knows what he is doing, and what we need to experience.

Pre-children: I overheard my mother mention that an aunt of mine had “never experienced a real birth” because she had had an epidural with each of her six children. My 14 year old self took this to mean, “you’re not a ‘real’ woman if you haven’t given birth without an epidural.”

Conclusion: I need to give birth without an epidural at least once to prove to my mother that I am a “real woman.”

Child 1 – Kathryn: While pregnant with my first I decide that if I have an epidural with my first, I will probably chicken out and never become a “real woman.” I should probably prepare for a drug-free birth for the first one, then I can get epidurals with future children. I took a HypnoBirthing (Mongan Method) class with my husband and had a calm, slow but steady birth in the hospital (because that’s where you go to have babies). 13 hours of labor, including 4 hours of pushing (posterior baby) and I did it. Natural childbirth – check.

Conclusion: That wasn’t as hard as I expected. Women don’t need to worry about it. Birth isn’t bad. Also, I learned a lot about extra benefits of drug-free childbirth and I will NEVER subject my children to the dangers of drugs during birth, including inductions and epidurals.

In-between: Breastfeeding didn’t go as well as I’d hoped or planned, due to lack of support and incorrect information. Schedule feeding and pacifier use caused my fertility to return quicker than anticipated and I got pregnant super fast. Kathryn fully weaned at 4 ½ months. 

Conclusion: Attending La Leche League meetings is a good idea, no bottles or pacifiers next time, nursing on demand.

Child 2 – Danielle: HypnoBirthing worked well. Let’s do that again. But wait, I just heard about HypnoBabies, let’s try that. I like what I see, and Dave doesn’t have to be as involved (even though he did great last time). But I don’t really have time to do the full home-study program since I found it so late. Only 8 hours of labor this time, the first 7 were super easy. Spontaneous rupture of membranes at 5cm, shortly after arriving at the hospital, baby born an hour later with one push while nurses told me “lie down, we don’t want gravity helping.” During post-partum in the hospital baby given pacifier, in spite of our wishes.

Conclusion: This birth thing is easier than people realize. I know what I’m doing. These nurses are ignorant and pushy and won’t listen to me anyway. I don’t need the hospital.

Child 3 – Christine: Living with my parents temporarily, their home is not an ideal birthing environment. Let’s try a birth center. Labor begins after midnight on a cold, icy, winter night. Rush to the birth center 45 minutes away. Baby born in the tub, in the caul, 45 minutes after arriving, after an intense 2 ½ hour labor. Recovery smooth. Home that evening (Happy New Years!).

Conclusion: That was easy again. If things get any faster someone will be in a car on the road when I have a baby… let’s make that a midwife instead of me.

Children 4 & 5 – Jacob & Joseph: Planning our first homebirth. Found a great midwife, she is unlicensed in our state. No big deal, licensure is not mandatory. Unlicensed means she can attend twin and breech, but cannot administer Pitocin. No big deal, I’ve never needed it. Getting big fast, what can this mean? 20 week ultrasound shows twins! Can we still do this? Spirit says, “no big deal, “ but is the midwife on board? Yes! But she says we must prepare and research much more. I read everything she gives me (but skip the chapters on c-sections), track my eating much better, take lots of supplements, and continue to pray. We take another HypnoBabies course to fully prepare. 32 weeks, both babies are breech, confirmed by a second ultrasound. Can we STILL do this? Spirit says, “yes, but pay attention.” I am a good candidate. Baby A is complete breech, I have dilated quickly in the past, and given birth without water breaking (and without the direct pressure of a head). Midwife plans to call in backup midwives and their apprentices. 39 weeks 6 days. I am FINALLY in labor, this is harder than I remember, but still not unbearable. 7 women come to our tiny basement apartment. Dilation is complete. Baby A still not descending. Midwife breaks his water with a glove amnio hook. After a 5 hour labor Baby A is finally born complete breech. 4 minutes later Baby B’s heart rate begins to steadily drop. Midwife says, “It’s time to get him out.” I say, “Okay.” She breaks his water with the amnio hook still on her gloved hand, and grabs his little ankles. I sit up and push. Within 90 seconds Baby B is born double footling breech during an emergency extraction. Though his face is completely covered in blood, I am completely calm. One small puff of oxygen and he gives a healthy cry. Dave says, “Is he okay?” I say, “He’s fine, his placenta just detached a bit early.” Our fraternal boys had separate placentas that had fused in utero and it was a scenario we had planned for. A couple hours later I begin hemorrhaging. Thankfully one of the backup midwives is licensed and administers Pitocin. Both boys are very healthy, nurse well, and we are off to a great recovery. This was exactly the birth these boys needed.

Conclusion: Even emergencies, complications, and a few high risk situations can be handled at home by competent midwives. Birthing at home is really the best option all around. I avoided a c-section and my boys avoided NICU time, and our whole family avoided separation and emotional trauma. This is my preferred birthing method and all my future babies will be born at home.

Baby 6 – Marie: Uneventful pregnancy, planning a homebirth, hopefully in the water this time. That birth center waterbirth was nice. Labor finally starts the night before guess date. OUCH! This is way harder than I remember. I don’t want to do this! This is why women get epidurals! Stuck at 6cm for hours, but stretchy and soft, so try pushing through it. Baby born in the caul 10 minutes later after an 8 hour labor.

Conclusion: I am sorry for all the shaming I did towards women who choose epidurals. I am still strong enough that I will continue to birth my babies drug-free because I believe it is better for them. But if you don’t want to experience that, or experience birth the way I just did, then I don’t fault anyone for getting the epidural.

Baby 7 – Benjamin: Planning homebirth again. But wait, Dave is now in the hospital. After a couple blood transfusions, a colonoscopy, and a short hospital stay, he is fine. But he also needs a surgery. Surgery done, but now our out of pocket max has been reached for the year. The midwives would be a separate out of network deductible. If we change providers and go to the hospital, that would be much less expensive. I am assertive and strong enough to fight for the birth I want in a hospital. Let’s go with the local community hospital that gets good reviews from the natural birth crowd, and choose a more naturally minded OB. Labor starts, head to the hospital. Please break my water. Baby will come faster and I just want to be done. OB breaks my water at 7cm. Baby born 40 minutes later after a 5 hour labor. Hospital is fantastic. They actually read our birth plan and fully respect all our wishes. We still go home the day of his birth and have a wonderful recovery. I did have a uterine prolapse though. Everything went back where it was supposed to go fairly easily, but I hope I don’t mess things up for future births…

Conclusion: Hospitals aren’t so bad after all. The right hospital, with the right nurses could absolutely be a valid place to give birth. And having my water broken was a good idea. I guess sometimes interventions can be helpful.

Baby 8 – Matthew: New house, new state. Don’t know the hospitals around here. Don’t want to risk it, let’s just go with the midwife and homebirth option again. Waterbirth please. I’ll ask for my water to be broken if I need to, but I’m hoping to avoid it. The harder contractions after could cause my prolapse to worsen. Labor starts 4 days past guess date. Everything is gentle. Dave is wonderful. Contractions get harder. Still bearable. Progressing steadily. Ouch, this one hurts! It’s still going! Push hard! Baby out. Beautiful. Only one hard, 3 minute long contraction/push. Done. Glad to be done.

Conclusion: Hospital birth can be wonderful. Birth center birth can be wonderful. Homebirth can be wonderful. I have finally experienced wonderful births at home, in a hospital, in the water, and in a birth center. My birthing experiences are complete.

Baby 9 – Anna: Wait, what? I was done with labor and birth. I don’t want to do this again. This isn’t fair. I’ve already done this seven times for eight children. I can still vividly recall every sensation involved with giving birth and I do NOT want to experience it again. I’m totally doing an epidural this time. However, three of my previous births have happened within an hour of arriving at the hospital/birth center. What if I don’t get it in time? If I have to experience labor again, I am ready to do something drastic to ensure that I never have more children. Let’s schedule an induction. My babies tend to come within the week before my due date anyway. Breech at 36 weeks. What if she doesn't turn? C-section wouldn't be the end of the world. Thankfully the external version at 37 weeks is successful. Two weeks until the induction! We arrive at the hospital. Epidural in first, please. I don’t want to feel anything. Starting to go numb, Pitocin started. Am I actually contracting? Yes, and dilating too. Midwife breaks my water. Dilating steadily. Can’t feel much. When I do feel contractions I push my extra dose button every 15 minutes or so to get more numb. Works beautifully. Baby moved WAY down. Time to push. Am I pushing? Is it doing anything? Wait, she’s out!? That was fast. That was easy. That was wonderful! I could totally do that again. Why did I not do this before?

Conclusion: Heavenly Father is much wiser than I. I have been constantly guided through these experiences. Had I not had easy births and frustrating hospital experiences, I never would have tried anything else. Had I not had a fast birth center birth, I never would have tried a homebirth. My first three births also showed I was a good candidate for breech twins at home. That was absolutely the birth they needed. The births after the twins taught me how hard labor actually is, and that hospitals can be wonderful, and interventions helpful. And I was even allowed one nearly perfect home waterbirth. With this most recent, wonderful, epidural induction, I am still open to the idea of more babies. God is good.