German pancakes for breakfast

February 03, 2014

German pancakes for breakfast

A "Real-life Recipe"

Walk into kitchen. Turn on oven to 450*. Put in two empty casserole dishes.

Go make your bed, get dressed (no shower), possibly run a brush through your hair, and gather all dirty adult non-white laundry. Just leave the laundry in the family room for now.

Remind all children that they are supposed to be getting dressed and picking up their room. It’s also sheet washing day so they need to strip their beds… especially the boy who peed his last night and then spent half the morning sleeping on the couch… still in peed-in pjs.

Go back to the kitchen. Put the blender on the counter and add milk & flour. Also replace the butter on the butter tray, and cut another stick of butter into 2 pieces… not equal pieces, since the casserole dishes are not the same size. Also put away the box of Ziploc bags that spent the night on the counter for some reason. Ignore everything else on the counters.

Go put a cushion back on the chair in the family room. Again remind the kids to take care of their beds. Explain to the 8 year old that it is possible for her to brush her hair BEFORE breakfast, even if her chore board says to do it after. Realize this whole process would make a funny blog post and grab your computer to jot down notes as you go so you don’t forget anything.

Put the dishes back in the cupboard from where the 10 month old pulled them all out. Help the boys get off the couch so they can go get dressed and take care of their beds (since they haven’t moved in the past 20 minutes).

Make sure the girls are putting their dirty sheets in front of the washing machine, instead of leaving them on the floor of their room. Remind them that playing Uno or Skip-bo is a distraction and they should be getting dressed first.

Oven is FINALLY pre-heated. Now go back and put the unequal butter chunks into their respective casserole dishes. Put eggs in blender. Blend batter. Be sure to scrape the sides of the blender with a spatula, since the flour has stuck to the sides because it was sitting there too long (NOT WHILE THE BLENDER IS RUNNING).

Ignore the 10 month old pulling dishes out of the cabinet again. This will keep him occupied while you open the oven. Open the oven and pick up each casserole dish to swirl the now-melted butter so that it touches every part of the inside of the casserole dish (be sure to use oven mitts).

Pour the batter from the blender into the casserole dishes (unequally, remember?). Set the oven timer for 15 minutes. Go turn off the smoke detector which started beeping while you were swirling butter. Assure one of the 4 year olds that there is not a fire in his room.

Put the un-used eggs in the fridge. Cut a cheese stick for the toddler. (BTW, the cheese knife is in the sink… thankfully it wasn’t soaking in water, so it’s not gross… it just has dried on cheese from the last time it was used. Just be careful pulling it out of the sink, there’s some gross stuff on the plate it’s hiding under.)

Clear the counters in the kitchen (pretty much throwing everything in the sink). Put the dishes baby pulled out back in the cupboard (they’re clean enough).

Get one of the 4 year olds off the couch and help him make his bed (since that’s the only way it’s actually going to get done). Remind the other 4 year old that he cannot take a nap on his bed when the peed-on sheets are still on it. Tell both of them to get dressed.

Confiscate the Skip-bo cards from the 7 & 6 year olds. Meet their screams of protest (CALMLY!!!) with, “I’m just removing the distractions. Please finish stripping your beds, and get dressed. Don’t forget to take the sheets to the washing machine.”

Time to dress the toddler. Walk into the boys’ room and stare blankly for a moment before realizing that the toddler is a girl. Go to the girls’ room and check the toddler’s drawers. Realize all her clean clothes are still in the pile of clean laundry in the family room. Dig through the pile to find an outfit for her. Don’t bother matching.

Have the 4 year old who actually got dressed start setting the table. Show him the where the little spoons are, since he doesn’t believe they are put away.

Dress the toddler. Realize that she has put on a skirt and a jumper herself, but has no shirt, and is still wearing a diaper from the night before (because the pull-ups are gone). Dress her appropriately.

Pull the casserole dishes out of the oven and shut off the timer that has been beeping for 2 minutes already.

Take the steak knife away from the 10 month old who found it in the dishwasher, which was left open by the 4 year old who was trying to set the table and realized that we are eating German pancakes and not cereal and will need forks instead of spoons. Remind him that we also need plates, and not bowls. Remind the other 4 year old to get dressed. Put baby in a high chair, soggy diaper and all.

Put toddler in the other high chair so she will stop pushing the 4 year old who is actually trying to help.

Remind the 6 year old that she still hasn’t finished stripping her bed. Make sure you explain to her the difference between the mattress cover and the fitted sheet, since apparently she hasn’t learned that yet.

Pick up a piece of semi-chewed cheese from the carpet in the family room. Resist the thought of giving the cheese to the baby in the high chair. Just throw it away.

Tell the 7 & 6 year olds to put away the Scooby-do face cards that have been scattered in at least two rooms (there may actually be two Scooby-do decks involved). When the 4 year old who is still not dressed yet complains that he doesn’t have any clean clothes, go with him to his room, then show him that he has plenty of pants and shirts, but he put them all in his pj & underwear drawer the last time he put his laundry away and that’s why he can’t find them.

Finish setting the table, since the helpful 4 year old has disappeared. Put away the block of the cheese from the counter. Wander around the house and make sure that everyone is doing something productive, or at least not doing anything destructive. Put condiments on the table.

Use a metal spatula to cut the German pancakes into kid-size portions. Yell to the kids in the family room that it’s not time to build a blanket fort, and when they do build it, they’re not allowed to use the desk lamps on the piano as supports.

Ring the bell that signals it’s time to eat. Shut off the oven before it is forgotten.

Put the toddler back in her highchair (when did she get out?).

Put casserole dishes on the table. Use baby bibs as trivets since there are no trivets in the house and all the hot pads are dirty. Also grab a bib for baby.

Thank the 4 year old who realized there was no place setting for Mom and set a place for Mom AND Dad without being asked. Remind him that Dad left for work an hour and a half ago and won’t be eating with us.

Sit down at the table. Put bib on baby, and use it to wipe baby’s drippy nose.

Invite 8 year old to say a prayer for the food.

Help dish up the kid-size portions. Be grateful that while there are 6 kids asking for corners, there were two casserole dishes and thus 8 corners. But make sure the 4 year old gets the “right” corner, or he will melt down. Put toppings on the two 4 year olds’ and then cut them. Also cut the toddler’s. Dish up your own. Put toppings on it. Feed a bite or two to the baby.

Enjoy a yummy, cold German pancake. (Let’s face it… it’s been 30 minutes since it came out of the oven.)

Also, be grateful breakfast was served before noon!

PS. Put syrup on the shopping list, since one of the 4 year olds just flooded his plate with it.

P-PS. Make PB&J for the 4 year olds who are still hungry after the German pancakes are gone. Also remind the 8 year old that potato chips are supposed to stay in the kitchen.