Adventures in Sleep Training
So, my last blog post sparked quite a few comments and questions about how I run my household, and how in the world I stay sane trying to keep up with so many things and so many children. First, let me assure you that I am NOT superwoman. There is a superwoman though... her blog is linked under "fun blogs" below as "how to be superwoman." Our days do not always run this smoothly (this particular day was as close to ideal as I ever get), and I'm convinced that a portion of the reason it went so well is because I knew I'd be taking pictures of it. :)
Anyway, I have several future blog posts coming that I hope will answer some of your questions, but for now, I felt that the sleep training questions should be addressed sooner rather than later. :)
So, the original question was: So, expert on managing small ones (many simultaneously), at what age do you start training your kids to fall asleep on their own? I never have had any success with that...not that I've tried too hard. Do you end up having to have them cry it out or something for a while as they adjust? With Leif, especially, I wish he would go down for a nap by himself. Assuming I have another kid, I want to know what might work better and help save my sanity.
The short answer to this question is: when they are ready.
The long answer could get really long, but lets just say... a long time. I was NEVER able to get K or D to take naps without me laying down with them. They didn't start falling asleep without Dave or me in the room for bedtime until about a year or so ago. C has shared a room with K & D since we moved her out of our room at 15 months, and we still had to lay down with her until she fell asleep until nearly 2 1/2. Even now... the only way we've been able to get them to fall asleep without us, is to have them cuddle with each other.
Recently, C has tried to give up her naps altogether, but I KNOW she still needs them. If she doesn't nap, she has a melt-down around 4pm and then often crashes around 6 only to wake up rested around 9... which I don't like for obvious reasons. I have discovered that if she simply holds still, with few distractions, she'll often fall asleep on her own. So, now I read her a short story on her bed, then have her lie down with her book and her blanket and make sure that the older girls are quiet. Usually she'll fall asleep fairly quickly. Occasionally she'll sit and read to herself and we can hear her talking to herself. Either way, I usually make her stay in her room for an hour or two while the boys sleep and we get other school-work done.
As for the boys... up until about 2-3 months ago they nearly always fell asleep while nursing. About that time, the boys stopped falling asleep when nursing at night. They would just unlatch themselves and start to play on the bed. One night I got really tired of it, so when they unlatched, I declared it was bedtime, and just put them in the pack & play. They happily played together for a few minutes and then lay down and fell asleep. I was still in the room at the time, but absolutely amazed that they would do that. After that, I started putting them in the pack & play as soon as they unlatched. I was also working towards night weaning them and that's when we introduced their sippy cups with water. Some nights they would fall asleep quickly, other nights they would play for a bit first, and other times they would scream at me and get very upset. As long as they were happy, I just left them alone, and let them figure out how to lay down on their own. When they were upset, I stood over the pack & play and rubbed their backs, tummies & heads, and helped them lie down over and over until they calmed down and fell asleep (a couple of nights this lasted about 45 minutes), but they very quickly learned that when they went IN the pack & play, they were NOT getting out again until they'd fallen asleep.
Once this started working at bedtime (with me ALWAYS in the room, but not always standing right next to them... sometimes I was on the other side of the room folding laundry or something, and sometimes I was in bed trying to sleep myself), then I started trying it for naps. This just required me to unlatch them before they actually fell asleep, and then wrap them in their blankets the same way I did for bedtimes. But this time, I started leaving the room. There was a bit of cry-it-out for this phase of "sleep training." The boys were often upset at me for ending their nursing session, and they were tired, but the room wasn't dark, and I wasn't in the room with them. I would listen outside the door and if their cries were partly upset, but mostly tired cries... I just left them. If they were hysterical screams, I would go back, help them lie down again, and stay with them until they fell asleep... but I did NOT pick them up. They also tried throwing their sippy cups & stuffed frogs & blankets out of the pack & play... but I decided that if I kept giving those back, they would continue throwing them... so I didn't.
It took several weeks of this before they accepted naptime and bedtime happily, and we learned a couple things together. The boys do NOT like sleeping in total dark... so I leave a desk lamp on at night when I put them down. They also wanted a full sippy cup of water, and they wanted their stuffed frogs, and to be wrapped completely in their special blankets. These blankets have been used for them and been their special blankets since they were born, and the stuffed frogs were birthday presents for them, and to help the boys attach to them I had them hold them while nursing as much as possible. We also learned that we must hit naptime & bedtimes as close to normal as possible, or it doesn't work so well. Too early, and the boys just don't sleep... too late, and they get more upset that I'm not with them.
The other key thing for me in this, and the main reason I believe the sleep training has worked for them, when it didn't with my other girls... there are two of them. NONE of my kids like sleeping alone. K prefers to have her own bed now that she is almost 6... but she still climbs into bed occasionally with D & C. In our current living arrangement, D & C are actually sharing one twin bed. They're small enough that they could each take one end of the bed and be just fine, but they prefer to cuddle with each other every night. And I honestly believe that the main reason my boys will consent to falling asleep without me in the room is because they have each other.
There have been occasions where one boy is exhausted and the other is not, but if I only put one of them in the pack & play... they cry. If I put both of them in... even if one is not tired at all, the sleepy one will usually still fall asleep, and often the not tired one will also. :)
I honestly don't believe my children will ever be truly happy sleeping alone, and that's okay. Maybe that's an extra benefit of having children close together... they can help each other. :)
Anyway, I have several future blog posts coming that I hope will answer some of your questions, but for now, I felt that the sleep training questions should be addressed sooner rather than later. :)
So, the original question was: So, expert on managing small ones (many simultaneously), at what age do you start training your kids to fall asleep on their own? I never have had any success with that...not that I've tried too hard. Do you end up having to have them cry it out or something for a while as they adjust? With Leif, especially, I wish he would go down for a nap by himself. Assuming I have another kid, I want to know what might work better and help save my sanity.
The short answer to this question is: when they are ready.
The long answer could get really long, but lets just say... a long time. I was NEVER able to get K or D to take naps without me laying down with them. They didn't start falling asleep without Dave or me in the room for bedtime until about a year or so ago. C has shared a room with K & D since we moved her out of our room at 15 months, and we still had to lay down with her until she fell asleep until nearly 2 1/2. Even now... the only way we've been able to get them to fall asleep without us, is to have them cuddle with each other.
Recently, C has tried to give up her naps altogether, but I KNOW she still needs them. If she doesn't nap, she has a melt-down around 4pm and then often crashes around 6 only to wake up rested around 9... which I don't like for obvious reasons. I have discovered that if she simply holds still, with few distractions, she'll often fall asleep on her own. So, now I read her a short story on her bed, then have her lie down with her book and her blanket and make sure that the older girls are quiet. Usually she'll fall asleep fairly quickly. Occasionally she'll sit and read to herself and we can hear her talking to herself. Either way, I usually make her stay in her room for an hour or two while the boys sleep and we get other school-work done.
As for the boys... up until about 2-3 months ago they nearly always fell asleep while nursing. About that time, the boys stopped falling asleep when nursing at night. They would just unlatch themselves and start to play on the bed. One night I got really tired of it, so when they unlatched, I declared it was bedtime, and just put them in the pack & play. They happily played together for a few minutes and then lay down and fell asleep. I was still in the room at the time, but absolutely amazed that they would do that. After that, I started putting them in the pack & play as soon as they unlatched. I was also working towards night weaning them and that's when we introduced their sippy cups with water. Some nights they would fall asleep quickly, other nights they would play for a bit first, and other times they would scream at me and get very upset. As long as they were happy, I just left them alone, and let them figure out how to lay down on their own. When they were upset, I stood over the pack & play and rubbed their backs, tummies & heads, and helped them lie down over and over until they calmed down and fell asleep (a couple of nights this lasted about 45 minutes), but they very quickly learned that when they went IN the pack & play, they were NOT getting out again until they'd fallen asleep.
Once this started working at bedtime (with me ALWAYS in the room, but not always standing right next to them... sometimes I was on the other side of the room folding laundry or something, and sometimes I was in bed trying to sleep myself), then I started trying it for naps. This just required me to unlatch them before they actually fell asleep, and then wrap them in their blankets the same way I did for bedtimes. But this time, I started leaving the room. There was a bit of cry-it-out for this phase of "sleep training." The boys were often upset at me for ending their nursing session, and they were tired, but the room wasn't dark, and I wasn't in the room with them. I would listen outside the door and if their cries were partly upset, but mostly tired cries... I just left them. If they were hysterical screams, I would go back, help them lie down again, and stay with them until they fell asleep... but I did NOT pick them up. They also tried throwing their sippy cups & stuffed frogs & blankets out of the pack & play... but I decided that if I kept giving those back, they would continue throwing them... so I didn't.
It took several weeks of this before they accepted naptime and bedtime happily, and we learned a couple things together. The boys do NOT like sleeping in total dark... so I leave a desk lamp on at night when I put them down. They also wanted a full sippy cup of water, and they wanted their stuffed frogs, and to be wrapped completely in their special blankets. These blankets have been used for them and been their special blankets since they were born, and the stuffed frogs were birthday presents for them, and to help the boys attach to them I had them hold them while nursing as much as possible. We also learned that we must hit naptime & bedtimes as close to normal as possible, or it doesn't work so well. Too early, and the boys just don't sleep... too late, and they get more upset that I'm not with them.
The other key thing for me in this, and the main reason I believe the sleep training has worked for them, when it didn't with my other girls... there are two of them. NONE of my kids like sleeping alone. K prefers to have her own bed now that she is almost 6... but she still climbs into bed occasionally with D & C. In our current living arrangement, D & C are actually sharing one twin bed. They're small enough that they could each take one end of the bed and be just fine, but they prefer to cuddle with each other every night. And I honestly believe that the main reason my boys will consent to falling asleep without me in the room is because they have each other.
There have been occasions where one boy is exhausted and the other is not, but if I only put one of them in the pack & play... they cry. If I put both of them in... even if one is not tired at all, the sleepy one will usually still fall asleep, and often the not tired one will also. :)
I honestly don't believe my children will ever be truly happy sleeping alone, and that's okay. Maybe that's an extra benefit of having children close together... they can help each other. :)
Comments
It doesn't work for my kids though. The way my milk supply works they need to eat much more frequently than that, and if they don't nurse immediately before falling asleep when they're little, they don't sleep for more than 20ish minutes. They usually end up with an eat, play, eat, sleep routine. ;)
My kids do end up sleeping through the night (12 hours with one feeding after 4 hours, then 8ish hours straight) around 8 weeks, and they keep that up until they start teething (that messes everything up!), but they still only sleep long stretches like that if I'm nearby. They just don't like to be alone. :)